This is a hard blog for me to write. Any self doubt I have had I have always kept to myself. I rarely let anyone know including my nearest family members. I have always kept my thoughts in and so called worked the problem, until I had a solution. I have been able to over come problems or obstacles and then put the plan in place. Nothing in my life has ever really scared me, except for spiders and clowns.
I now have a huge feeling of self doubt; Am I going to be able to get to the point where I could earn a black belt. I know the requirements, I know what is expected of me to get through my next belt levels. What is really concerning me is if I have the strength and stamina to get to that level. Prior to last year I was just training along enjoying what I was doing and a black belt was an Idea but not fully in my plans, where I needed to formulate my course of action.
Now my self doubt about whether I have the physical ability to make it black belt is weighing heavily on me. This comes from my true desire to earn a black belt. These doubts may not make any sense to some of the younger people that I train with who haven't felt some of the physical limitations that come with getting older. I know I am not ready for a permanent cup of tea and a rocking chair on the deck, but I also know that my tendons, bones and muscles are telling me stories these days that I have never heard of from them.
I don't know how to overcome these feeling. I continue to train I am focused on getting my weight down for what lies ahead of me. The fear is that it won't be enough and I will not be able to reach this goal.
Mr. Sand, there is zero doubt that you have what it takes to get a black belt. We all have physical limitations that create challenges for us but the great thing about kung fu is that there are multiple physical paths to black belt. Don't let self doubt get in your way. You and I should talk.
ReplyDeleteI felt that way too. At one time, I was like, what's the point? Why do I even keep showing up? I suck at all of this. Now I don't care about the black belt. I care about improving myself a little each day at my own pace. If the black belt comes, then yay. If not, being in Kung fu is still making me a better person physically and mentally and I'm just happy to have that.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt you have what it takes to be a black belt! :)
Kung fu is 90% mental. You have what it takes. We'll all get there our own way.
ReplyDeleteI think you can do it ... this coming from another older person. I was in my late forties I think, maybe early 50's I can't quite remember ;) It took training and hard work but its do able.
ReplyDeleteI had the same self doubt as you and my most recent blog was about self doubt (and I wrote it before reading this).
ReplyDeleteStraight up... clowns and spiders are terrifying.... coming from someone who is in your class and has her own limitations physically, I just want you to know that I'll be there in class with you - pushing through, and although I may have kleenex shoved up my sleeves, and a cup of tea when I get home... I absolutely believe that you can do this, I believe we both can.
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